content warning: mild references to childhood trauma and homophobia

The Amazing Book Hits Different, 2019

YouTubers Dan and Phil published The Amazing Book is Not on Fire in 2015, documenting a seemingly in-depth look at their lives. Since their coming out in June 2019 a lot of their fanbase have been referring to things as hitting differently and this book is really no exception. It covers everything from high school bullying to floor plans of their flat, it gives you every detail of their life and was treated as a bible by their hardcore fans, but never dared mention their sexual orientations or relationship.

This book documents the brand Dan and Phil wanted to present to the world in 2015, and my work with this book was in part my effort to bring it into the present, to document the moment in 2019 just after their coming out. This work is also about my understandings of queerness more generally - how do I as a very vocal non-binary person relate to these freshly-out gay men who are around a decade older than me? How do queer people relate to each other? How do their younger fans respond to this new representation? How do I feel about not having representation from them when I was one of their young fans?

When I was 12 and first properly getting into YouTubers like Dan and Phil, more than anything, I needed escapism. It was around this time that my home life was at its absolute worst, some pages in this book reference my childhood with obvious references like "THIS IS WHAT ME AND MY BROTHER SHOULD HAVE LOOKED LIKE" and less obvious ones like "I've been repressing, can we move on?"

This book also explores the representation of romantic relationships. As an asexual and aromantic person it is sometimes hard for me to continuously consume content that always places the most value on romantic relationships. For a long time Dan and Phil were a perfect example of two people who loved each other, who were totally dedicated to one another for years but were just best friends. Then it turned out they'd been lying and all of those millions of fan fictions were true, they were yet another example of a long-term romantic relationship, of "actual soulmates". This work is trying to explore Dan and Phil as an example of a romantic relationship and how on earth I can relate to them when their lives are so consumed by each other as romantic partners.

This work also documents me beginning to come to terms with being autistic, some pages document my utter fixation on the duo, showing the classic autistic coping mechanism of escaping into a special interest, while other pages consider my relationship to the label of disabled.

 A zine version of The Amazing Book Hits Different was shown at Fanspeak, as part of Salford Zine Library, Casltefield Gallery, Manchester, 2 - 24 November 2019 and prints of selected pages were exhibited at RIOT! Exhibition, BMECP, Brighton, 2nd - 31st August 2019

 Here’s a few TikTok videos from 2023 reflecting on this work…